Over the years, I’ve noticed something interesting about buyers.
Many of them eventually ask the same question.
“What would you do?”
Sometimes it comes when we’re writing an offer.
Sometimes it comes when a seller counters.
Sometimes it comes when they’re trying to decide if a house is the right one.
What they are really asking isn’t for you to make the decision.
They’re asking for guidance.
Buying a home may be the biggest financial decision they’ve made in their lives. When they ask that question, they are placing a lot of trust in the person sitting across the table.
And that trust carries a lot of responsibility.
I learned that lesson early in my career.
Very early.
Year Two
In my second year in real estate, a friend of mine named Brian and his wife, Betty, asked me to help them sell their home and buy another.
Their family was growing, and they needed more space.
Looking back, that motivation should have been the most important part of the entire conversation. They weren’t just looking for square footage.
They were creating space for their future.
More room for family dinners.
More room for kids.
More room to grow.
After looking at several homes, we finally found one that checked all the boxes. It fit their budget, and it fit their needs.
They loved it.
We sat in my office and wrote the offer together. Like many buyers, they wanted to try for a deal, so we offered a little less than the asking price.
The offer went out, and the next day the seller responded with a counteroffer.
The seller didn’t counter at full price.
Just slightly under it.
The Question
As we sat in my office reviewing the counteroffer, Brian and Betty looked at me and asked the question many agents hear all the time.
“What would you do?”
Being the new agent that I was, I thought I needed to have the answer.
After all, I was the professional.
So I told them what I would do.
I suggested we counter the seller again and push for a slightly better price.
In my mind, I was negotiating hard for them.
I wanted to win.
So we wrote another counteroffer and sent it back to the listing agent.
The Phone Call
The next morning, my phone rang.
The listing agent told me the house had been shown that morning, and another buyer wrote a full-price offer.
The seller accepted it immediately.
Just like that, Brian and Betty were out.
The Conversation I Didn’t Want to Have
I had to call them and ask them to come into my office.
When I told them what happened, the room got quiet.
Betty teared up.
The disappointment was obvious.
And I realized something in that moment that has stayed with me ever since.
They had been willing to accept the seller’s counteroffer.
I was the one who told them to push harder.
I was negotiating like it was my deal.
But it wasn’t.
The Lesson
That moment changed how I approach real estate to this day.
My job is not to make decisions for my clients.
My job is to help them make the best decision for themselves.
Looking back, the better questions would have been:
Does this home fit everything you told me you wanted?
Does it check the boxes we talked about?
If the seller accepts this price, will you be happy owning this home?
If the seller countered, is this a price you would be happy with for this house?
If the answer was yes, the negotiation should have ended right there.
The Trap Agents Fall Into
Even today, I still see agents fall into the same trap.
They get caught up in the game of negotiating.
Instead of being a consultant and advisor, they try to prove they’re the toughest negotiators in the market.
But the real job of an agent is to understand the client’s wants, needs, and motivations.
Brian and Betty needed a bigger home because their family was growing. Betty was pregnant. The house fit their needs and their budget.
All the boxes were checked.
It was the right house.
I just didn’t recognize that clearly enough at the time.
How I Handle It Today
Today, when a client asks me,
“What would you do?”
I take the conversation back to the beginning.
I remind them of the goals they shared with me.
Then I ask a simple question.
“Does this home give you what you told me you were looking for?”
Because the decision belongs to them.
My role is simply to guide them there.
And that lesson started with Brian and Betty more than 30 years ago.
Editor’s Note
This article is part of a series sharing lessons I’ve learned over more than three decades in real estate. Some came from wins. Others came from mistakes that taught me something I never forgot.
Those lessons continue to shape how I advise buyers, sellers, and the agents I mentor today.
This post is originally published by Ken on his Substack profile. For Tri-Cities real estate agents looking to better guide their clients, subscribe for more lessons and insights shaped by 30+ years in the field.
